Jane’s World: #RealityWednesday – The Voices in My Head

There’s a well-known phrase that keeps running through my head lately: “If you keep doing things the same way, don’t expect different results.” Or something like that.

I’ve been feeling in a rut lately, because there’s so much stuff I want to do, and yet there never seems to be enough time to do everything. And the voices in my head keep yelling at me all day: Take a walk! Clean out the flower bed! Wash some windows! Clean the basement! Get caught up on those two websites you run! Figure out how to make more money! Read a book! Eat better! Find a good place for your wedding dress! Feed the birds squirrels!

And on and on. And those are just the voices from the past 10 seconds. And yes, that wedding dress is the one I got married in 23 years ago. It needs a home, somewhere in my house.

But, you know, you can’t do everything. Especially when your to-do list includes 153 things every day, each taking approximately two hours to complete. Do the math. That’s not possible, Jane.

I was whining about this to a friend at Oryana the other day, and she said two words that stuck with me. “Just prioritize.” The “just” makes it all sounds so easy. Like, oh, that’s no problem at all. Just prioritize. Easy-peazy.

But could it be that easy? Just figure out what’s missing from your life and put those things at the top of the list? But that won’t work, right? Because then all the other things you’re “supposed” to be doing get shoved to the side. Plus, sometimes it takes an act of God (literally) to break free from your rut and do things differently.

That’s why I haven’t written a #RealityWednesday post since April 20. My goal is to write one every Wednesday. But then Wednesday comes and goes, and it doesn’t happen, and I think, ok, I’ll get to it next week. And then suddenly six weeks have gone by. Maybe it’s not necessary to write one EVERY single Wednesday.

Part of the problem is being self-employed and having big entrepreneurial dreams and thinking I can do everything. Sometimes you have to take a deep breath and think, ok, what can I REALLY accomplish every day? Let’s be realistic.

Earlier this year, I actually put together a very succinct and detailed weekly schedule, where all my tasks and chores had their own time slot. I even had “Me Time” on there. Me Time! Where I could shove all the voices outside my bubble of happiness and do whatever I want!

But you know what? I haven’t used the schedule. First, I had to get caught up to the point where I could actually use the schedule. Then when I got sort-of caught up, I realized that the schedule wouldn’t work at all because it starts at 8 a.m. I still work late into the night, which means I’m usually not awake at 8 a.m. So if I get up at 9 or 10 a.m., I’m already way off-base on the schedule, so I just jump into the day willy-nilly in a panic.

So then I decided to take the time-slots off and turn the schedule into a 12-hour format. So whenever I get up, that’s when the schedule begins. That’s the theory anyway. I haven’t quite gotten to formatting the new schedule yet. Maybe I should make a time-block for it in the schedule. I feel like I’m in an M.C. Escher painting.

At any rate, for the past week or so, I’ve somehow been incorporating some of those shouty-voice tasks into my days. On Sunday after church and lunch with mom, I threw caution to the wind and CLEANED OUT MY FLOWER BED! The “before” picture is at the top. Here’s the “after” picture. Now to get the weeds out of there and plant some flowers.

The other day, I stopped by the co-op to pick up a few things, and decided to TAKE A WALK! down the trail to the east. Walked over to Hull Park and watched the sail-boaters, then over to the 8th Street underpass (yeah, I didn’t know that was there either) and back to the co-op. 1.25 miles – bam.

Maybe I’m overthinking this. I mean, I need SOME sort of schedule, because otherwise I’d just lie around all day watching The Vampire Diaries. But maybe there needs to be more “hey, let’s do this now” in my life.

And I still have my routine of morning yoga/meditation/prayer, which is a good springboard for throwing a batch of laundry into the washer upstairs. Routines are good. I’ll write about that in another post. Maybe for next week’s #RealityWednesday. Maybe. You never know. We’ll see.