I’ve had red hair since the day I was born. For the record, that was right in the middle of cherry season on July 12, 1960. My red hair has been with me for 57 years, and it’s always been a big part of “who I am.”
The violinist with the red hair. The tractor driver with the red hair. The writer with the red hair. You name it, and it generally had “red hair” attached to it. When I was a kid, my horse Copper had the same color hair as I did. What a pair we were.
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I remember walking downtown one time with my mom, and someone stopped us and told her how beautiful my hair was. That sort of thing sticks with you. Here it is all these years later and I still remember it.
It was long, too. Waist-length until I got it chopped off at some point in my 20s. This was the 1980s, so I took that extra step to get a perm when perm’s were all the rage. Not only was my hair shorter, it was also bigger. The era of big hair. Here I am pre-perm. What was I thinking? (Photo taken by my boyfriend at the time, Chip Underwood, at the Hogsback on the Old Mission Peninsula as the sun set over West Bay.)
At some point during my 40s, I started seeing specks of silver in my red hair. To be honest, that decade was a rough one for us. We spent a few years going back and forth to University of Michigan Hospital in Ann Arbor, where my husband underwent a liver transplant. It was stressful.
But I can’t really blame my silver hair on our struggles. It’s part of my DNA. Most of the people in my family started going gray during our 30s and 40s, although I have to say, we’ve always been a family of “good hair.”
With so much of my identity tied to my red hair, I started coloring over the gray. Just a little at first, but more and more as time passed, until I was forced to color those annoying gray roots every few weeks. My hair grows fast. That’s a lot of coloring. And since I couldn’t afford to do it at a salon, I was doing it myself at home, with box color that’s not great for your hair. This past year, I noticed my hair was falling out in chunks.
But hair health, or lack thereof, is just part of it. What I didn’t realize is that by coloring my hair, I was unknowingly holding myself back. I was stuck in that “little Janie with the red hair” mode. In short, I was hanging onto the past, and not allowing myself to grow into the person I’m supposed to be.
So on January 2nd, I started the process of taking back my freedom and letting my hair be who it wants to be. And it IS a process. Some people just let their gray hair grow out, which is fine if you want to go that route. But I was none too crazy about the gray and red combination. Getting a super-short pixie is another option, but I didn’t really want to go there either.
So I gave the whole thing over to my wonderful stylist at Salon Verve, Kelly Watrous, who is nothing short of amazing. She walked me through the whole process, explaining everything as we went along. First she took as much of the red out as she could. Then she microfoiled every hair on my head, which had me texting photos to my friends with the caption, “Take me to your leader.”
The end result was a gorgeous head of blonde, silver and darker tones all blended in together. The goal is that as my hair grows out, it will blend into the highlights and lowlights that Kelly put in. We’ll do it all again in seven weeks, assessing at that time the ratio of highlights to lowlights, and then again in a month or two later, until my hair is whatever color it is naturally.
When I saw my new hair, I wept with joy, because it was so beautiful. And I wondered what had taken me so long to take that leap, because THIS is who I am now. I am not that little red-haired girl anymore. I am this grown-up woman with amazing hair. I can honor my past without living there (though you can still call me Janie – I still love that).
In the bigger picture, it has me pondering the whole coloring issue and why women color their hair. It might be like me, wanting to hang onto whatever personal identity we think is bound up in our hair. Or it might be a bigger issue of ageism – being treated differently because of our silver strands.
Among my female writer-friends, we talk a lot about ageism. Many of my friends who work in-house for a company say they continue to color their hair because they want to be viewed as young. Although I’ve been self-employed for the past 35 years, I understand where they’re coming from. There are a lot of millennials vying for the same writing jobs, and they’re typically seen as more energetic with fresher ideas than those of us who are older.
All of this blends over into our everyday lives. Friends my age who’ve gone gray say people view them differently, ask if they can help carry their groceries to the car, that sort of thing. While that’s a nice gesture, I think we can all agree that gray hair doesn’t necessarily equal feeble. I joined a Facebook group called “Gray and Proud,” comprised of amazing people of all ages who support each other in their quest to ditch the color.
If you’ve been coloring your hair and are considering letting it go, I encourage you to think about why you’re coloring and what would happen if you didn’t color anymore. I’m here to tell you that the world won’t end and it might even empower you to be the person you’re truly meant to be. And that is a very good thing.
If you’re in need of a stylist, I highly recommend Kelly Watrous at Salon Verve, (231) 932-8378. She’s not only helping me transition to gray, she also understands all the emotions that go along with that transition. Follow her on Facebook here, and check out Salon Verve’s website, TheNewLookofOrganic.com. They’re affordable and organic.
Check out these photos Kelly posted of my before and after.
And here’s a selfie I just took of my new ‘do.
From one redhead to another…. gray isn’t so bad. I was never committed enough to keep the color going, so now people think I am blonde, but it is really “faded red.”
Blonde looks great on you, Joyce! We were quite the red-headed pair back when we were 8th grade science lab partners. 🙂
You’ll love it!
Thanks, Mary Anne! So far I’m still in love with it and haven’t missed the red a bit. And I especially don’t miss chasing those grays. -jb
Old Mission Gazette it’s a hard personal adjustment with regards to the aging process!
Ageism is real, for sure. It’s motivating me to stay in shape so people don’t think I’m old and feeble. 🙂 -jb
I went through the growing out process years ago. It’s incredibly liberating.
It looks beautiful! It was hard to grow out my brunette locks, but I did it almost 10 years ago and I’d never go back to coloring my hair! (Verve Salon is the best! I go to Kate for my cuts! )
Thank you! They really are a fantastic salon. I couldn’t afford my longtime stylist anymore, so a few years back I started looking around and settled on Salon Verve. Affordable and organic. I’ve had a few stylists there, but absolutely love Kelly Watrous so will be sticking with her now. We’re on a grey-transition journey together. 🙂
Very beautiful, Janie!! Love it. I have never colored my hair. Thought about it many times, but my various hairstylists kept telling me Not to because they said lots of people pay lots of $$$ to have my color. Dirty blonde to silver… I just never wanted the hassle of keeping it colored.
It IS a hassle. And for living as organically as I strive to, I’m kind of amazed that it took me this long to ditch the chemicals. I love your hair.
Thanks for sharing Jane. Your new hair style looks incredible. I’m personally struggling with the decision to keep mine long or go shorter. Long always seems to look better on younger people but I’m afraid to change.
Change is hard! Look at it this way – if you don’t like it, you can always grow it out again.
And thank you. 🙂
You are a brave lady!
Beautiful! I am the oldest person in my office and color my hair because I don’t want to look old among all the youngins. If I ever get to retire (turning 70 this year) I plan to stop coloring. Luckily I don’t look my age which helps! I love your new look.
Thanks, Cuz! It’s really interesting, the whole thing surrounding grey hair. Ageism is real, for sure, even if it’s not that overtly visible. We deal with it all the time in the writing biz, and a lot of my friends who work in-house for companies still color for that reason, which is totally understandable.
Silver / white compliments of chemo!!!
Well, I don’t love the chemo part, but love the silver/white!
I LOVE your hair!!!! It is you! My beautiful aunt. Your inner light is shining through. Just love it! Love you and love you even more for having the guts to do this ❤️
Thank you, love! And I know you know exactly all the emotions involved with the red hair thing!
Way to go, Jane! I started 6 months ago. Have about 3-4 inches of my own color in!
I absolutely loooooove this Jane! And you! Beautiful story. Beautiful woman. Embrace being a woman that holds wisdom. I think you made a beautiful choice!❤️
Thank you, Morgan!
Looks good on you!
You, your story, and your article are absolutely beautiful. I’m so glad to embark on this journey with you. Thank you for the kind words, and thank you for letting me be a part of this transitional period in your life. I am so happy that you are already loving the results! I look forward to our next appointment, and to getting you closer to your goal!
Thank you so much for everything, Kelly! <3 -jb
Oh I love red hair! Don’t stop!
LOVE the new look!
I love the new style! I started going gray at 18 and was almost totally gray in my 30’s. I started coloring at 40 and struggle with deciding when to stop. I’m very blond now, which helps hide the gray roots! I wish I was secure enough to go gray.
Thanks for the note, Patti! It’s definitely a very personal decision. Honestly, I’m only part of the way there, and really love the highlights and lowlights that my stylist put in. Hmmm…
I have to be honest I love love red hair and yours is beautiful
I did get a little nostalgic going through all those old photos.
Looks great. Jean Marshall Arp
Unless you have dark coloring, grey hair is awful. It sucks the coloring right out of women’s faces. My hair stylist tells women who want to go grey that they will need to wear lip color every day or look dead.
I’ve already stocked up on some lip color! Just Burt’s Bees Hibiscus lip tint so far, but I’ll investigate some others.
Early graying was a gift from my mother. As one who quit covering gray (or frosting, as we called it back in the day) decades ago, I embrace my gray hair. I’m not crazy about getting called sweetie by anyone younger than 50, but I guess it just goes with the territory.
Ha – yeah, it’s interesting how other people react to gray hair. After I’ve had it for a while, I’ll write up something chronicling how it goes.
I like the new do. Yours is a beautiful hair legacy.
Beautiful and inspiring Jane
You are beautiful inside and out. I have blue and purple hair, not to cover gray, but because I love the look
Thank you, Linda! I love blue and purple hair. 🙂
I love it Jane! You look fantastic, then and now! And I second a previous comment (Heatherlyn I think) about inner light!!
I too go to Salon Verve and have loved my hair every time I walk out of there (kudos to stylist Heather for that).
Thank you for sharing. This post and comments remind me that we all have so many similar thoughts, feelings and experiences as lady humans on this planet.
ps. I also had an unfortunate perm in the 80’s! Oh, what a decade!!
[…] turmoil – about that decision, and you can read more about how I came to grips with it here. Plus, dying your hair consistently is a lot of time and effort and money, and I just didn’t […]