To view or leave comments on this story, click HERE.
Dear Readers, thank you for all the cards, texts, emails, phone calls, prayers, good thoughts and LOVE for the loss of my beloved Charley. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that she’s not here and that she passed away so suddenly. I thought I’d have many years ahead with her.
But I’m working through it as best I can. After losing my sister in 2019, my mom in 2020, Tim in 2022, and way too many treasured OMP friends over the past few years, you’d think I would get the hang of this grieving thing. But it really doesn’t get any easier. I wish it did. It gets more familiar, but not easier. I’m not crazy about being an expert at it.
Old Mission Gazette is Reader Supported.
Click Here to Donate and Keep the Gazette Going.
I will probably get another cat when the time is right. A lot of the adoption sites offer bonded cats that need to be adopted together. I’m thinking about that. It would be great to have two cats, and let’s be honest, if I lose one, at least I’d have the other one to grieve with.
Or maybe I should get three cats just to be on the safe side. There’s plenty of room on those warm tiles in front of the woodstove. Plus, then I’d officially be a crazy cat lady. Or who knows, perhaps the “cat distribution system” will bring a cat my way. Or maybe Tim has another one in mind for me.
Right now, though, I just want my Charley back, and I have to come to terms with the fact that that’s not going to happen. I picked up her ashes from Bay Area Pet Hospital, and I haven’t even been able to look inside the nice bag they put them in (they’re actually inside a cedar box inside the bag).
When I feel up to it, I’ll put them on my mom’s piano next to Tim who’s still resting there in his Jimi Hendrix lunchbox. I’m just stacking up the deceased loved ones, aren’t I?
I guess it’s good that I haven’t put Tim’s ashes in the old Indian cemetery in Old Mission yet (though I do have a plan and a spot there for him). Now I can put Charley in there with him.
I’m also not sure what to call this column now. This Week on the Bluff? This Week With Jane? Or maybe just This Week? Until I get more cats, I guess you’ll have to put up with just me and my goings-on.
An Eye Update
Thanks, also, to everyone who reached out to me about my eye issue, which I mentioned a few weeks ago. I feel like I’m under the Cloud of Doom that Tim and I used to talk about, when a bunch of challenging things happen all at once.
Anyway, at my last appointment, my eye doctor (Dr. Grace Farrell at Grand Traverse Ophthalmology — I love her) discovered that I have a “macular pucker,” which she said is somewhat common in people over 50. The long fancy name is ERM-Vitreomacular traction.
Apparently, as we get older, a thin layer of tissue develops over the macula, and the whole thing is supposed to pull away but sometimes bits of it get stuck, resulting in a pucker or wrinkle that distorts your vision. I have a little bit of this in my right eye, but a lot in my left eye. The best way I can describe my vision in my left eye is spotty and blurry. Parts of words and letters are missing. It’s super fun.
My right eye kind of takes over so that I can see well enough most of the time. For example, I have no problem driving or seeing distances. If I look at you while I’m talking to you, I can see all of you. My main problem is seeing words and letters on my computer screen. Yes, that freaks me out, since I’m a writer and publishing Old Mission Gazette is my job.
I was set to see a retinal specialist at Associated Retinal Consultants (across from the Blue Goat) on March 9 (no one seems to think this is urgent). But I called and they were able to move me up to yesterday, Feb. 18.
I’d heard stories about having to wait a long time in their waiting area, but my appointment was at 8 a.m., and I really only waited a few minutes until they took me back. But they’re pretty busy in there. We’re lucky to have them here in Traverse City.
After doing all kinds of scans and images — including injecting dye into me so they could see the blood vessels in my eyes (called a Fluorescein Angiography) — a kind doctor saw me and confirmed what Dr. Farrell said — that it’s ERM-Vitreomacular traction and that it’s fixable. I was glad to hear that!
He also said there’s a microscopic hole from the traction going into my macula, but did not seem concerned or wanting to rush me into surgery. He sent me home with some anti-inflammatory eye drops to try (he said they might even fix the problem and close up the hole – that would be great!). But he also scheduled me for surgery in case the eyedrops don’t complete their intended mission. So either way, I’m hoping to get this thing fixed by Spring.
I’ve talked to a few people who’ve had the surgery, and they say it’s not too bad, that it’s outpatient surgery, and that I should be able to see out of my eye at some point (though it could take a while after surgery). My surgery would take place at Munson, where they have the necessary equipment and staff.
The good news is that my blood vessels and vascular system look great. Also, other than this traction issue, the retinal doc said my eyes look pretty healthy. That’s good to hear.
So until the surgery (or hopefully eyedrop-fix before that), I’ll just be over here in my sad cat-less house working with one eye.
Let me know if you have experience with ERM-Vitreomacular traction or the surgery. Feel free to leave a comment below or email me, [email protected]. Anything you can do to ease my worries is appreciated!
Also Read…
To view or leave comments on this story, click HERE.
Continuing prayers for you Jane. These grey days don’t help with sadness. Embrace the good memories, that helps to blur the sad.
So glad to hear your eyes are going to be OK. We need our top reporter in good shape!
Hang tough. You have proved you can do it!
Beautiful photo.
Hugs,
Marsha
Jane, I was sooo sorry to hear about your loss of Charley. I can definitely understand your feelings and I know they never go away but we do remember them with love forever and always!!!!!!! You will always love, remember and care about Charley. I’m glad you have seen the doctor about your eye. I had to go there a few years ago and they were fantastic. I ended up recovering and healing and doing just fine still, so am glad you are there and you will do really good. I’ll keep you in my heart and prayers. Mid December I fell apart not knowing what was going on but I was not doing good, and in the first of January my physician said she was concerned I had had a small stroke, after the one 3 years ago. I had brain and head MRIs and scans and yes I did have a small stroke so have had to go here, do this and that, but I just keep saying I am fine. I can live normally, however normal is, just can’t go out and walk in snow or drive around the barn to Mike and Betsy’s, but I do get out a bit for shopping, dinner and picking up meds etc!!!!!!!! I can move all around the house and Mike and Betsy’s MAISY is here most of the time and she keeps me happy as a lark..We have had her for almost 8 years when they work etc and it is her second home and she even comes over and barks to let us know she is HERE and wants in. Terry takes her for walks etc so she is a very happy puppy. MOM texts to say she is home and we can send her over and it is hilarious and she is on their porch about 2 minutes after I open the door to let her out. They all keep me going over there and I know I can count on them for ANYTHING!!!!!!!! Although I try not to irritate them all!!!!!!! I can understand how you are feeling, keep your memories of Charley and how much love you both had. Much love, Becky
I am so sorry to hear about Charley girl. I love my cats intensely, and totally understand your grief. Plus she was so special since she came into your life right as Tim left–the companion he sent for you. I would say get two bonded cats. They keep eachother company, and caring for two is no harder than caring for one. I’ve always had more than one, sometimes three. Right now I have two seriously thinking of another. Take care of yourself.
Jane,
Any loss of a loved one leaves a big hole in our life. When we experience many over a short time period, the hole can become cavernous. I’m sorry you have had so many of these experiences.
My brother, also a writer, had the same macular pucker problem you experience. He was able to have it repaired and is doing great! I know he would offer you assurance that th best is yet to come from this situation.